I was thinking of how I should start this post and then I got this answer:
“The thing is:the fire that burns inside you, should be stronger than whatever keeps you burning..”
The main issue is not based on when, why and how, the main point is to set yourself free from whatever weights you down, let go and create again. Maybe, there is no issue at all, maybe the only thing existing is your deepest desire for the ultimate union and a deeper need for experiencing oness.
There where time that I was thinking about all that I have done, all that I have learnt and all that I have achieved. There where times that I was trying to find an indetification for myself, but nothing could really describe my wholeness. But, there was something that all of my experiences had in common, my noble desire to create combined with the developed sense that God gave me, as a present for this incarnation. By observing this common point, I understood that if I had to call myself in a specific way, this would be “artist”. An artist is a medium, the one who brings heaven on earth and brings earth to heaven. The one that cretes the space, the one that brings out the best in everything, the one that shows us the beauty. An artist is someone who sketches, colours, envisions and manifests. The fearless one who risks everything who believes and by lives in the flow. Anything can be an artist’s canvas, a white sheet, a wood, a garden, a boat, a human body, there are no limitations on where and when he or she can develop his/her art. He or she follows neither the good, nor the bad, the artist just points out a side of existence. He/she lives in the present moment, the only moment that creation can take place. He/She is always in love, doing thing with passion, finding the inspiration in every aspect, in nature. Sometimes he/she uses another person as a source of inspiration, only until the time when he/she finds the true source within.
It took me 15 years to understand, to open up again and reach my creative force. Why so much time? The most difficult thing for an artist to overcome is the logical pressure of the world. The worst case scenario is for an artist to get lost inside the walls of his mind, to get lost into the thoughts created by others for him/her. If something like this happen, then he/she is starting to loose his/her freedom and his/her own uniqueness fades.
If you start asking about why, when and how then you are become more of a logical than a heart driven being.
All of our education promotes logical analysis over being real and expressive. Everything has a structure, a character and a specific way to exist. If you want to paint a human being, you should paint an abstract body, you can not create a dot and consider it as a human being, says the analytical law. The deeper you enter into education, the more you believe in the collective unconscious and the more you lose your ability to create freely and to trust your own self …
Painting was an activity that I used to share with my grandfather. Since I was a child I was in love with colors and their shapes, that were created through my hand every time on the paper. It was like a ritual for me, a new exploration, every time I got my block and my markers. Though painting, I was exploring life, the universe, the matter, other people, I was exploring who I really am…
In my 12, I begun to have troubles while painting. I didn’t really like what I was puting on the paper, it was the time that I started to regect myself. I wanted something more, I wanted to be able to paint exactly what I was envisioning so I got into an educational painting program. This didn’t really help me because I was forced to measure, to draw in specifications that brought a lot of limitations on me. Slowly, I felt like didn’t want to draw anymore. By the age of 15, I stop painting completely. It was the year that my grandfather left his body. Since I was young, I had the tendency to connect the activities that I was doing with specific persons. When something bad was happening with the person involved, I also quited from the activity. It was really hard for me not to have my grandfather by my side, it was hard not have him near while I was painting. I thought that my grandfather was my motive power but I was wrong. He was the one that made the space needed for me to explore, express and create myself. He was able to accept whatever I was creating and open enough to discuss with me, any possible way that I would do it “better”. He loved every creation of mine, like a perfection, maybe because he knew that nobody else could make it like me.
I lot of time has gone since then. Painting & being able to create was long hidden, burried inside me like my grandfathers body, was buried in the earth. I was still a believer of activity-person connection. And then, Olympics came into my life and I came in contact with my inner creator. But I was really ready to accept the source of creation in me, I was in need to place it somewhere outside of me. That time a person came into my life and I got my “muse”.
I was able to feel the power and the beauty while creating for him.
But, as you know, every “artist-muse” relationship has an already made end, “betrayal”. Another important thing is that such a relationship often dazzles the artist, leads him to search externally for answers, disrupts and drains him, but it forces him to create (again). Yes I started to paint again, giving all my work to the so-called “muse”. I did that because I was afraid to have my creative power back or maybe that was a trick made from my heart so I could not analyze or criticize by looking at them. As the time went by, the glow of my “muse” started to fade and I was only able to see black and white motifs repeating themselves.
That was when this circle closed. A circle was the last artwork I made, as a tribute to my muse.
“What I was painting before, was coming from my muse, but the circle, the circle was a creation of the source within me.”
The days that I was saying goodbye to my life experience in Rhodes, I met Vana, a pharmacist and holistic therapist, She immediately understood me and she offered to show me another way of painting method. It is a therapeutic way to paint that happens through meditation. By that time I was full involved in yoga, working with meditation everyday, breaking limitations so the idea of a meditational art session really exited me!
And I said, yes, let’s do that! And after one hour of creation this is what came out. Answers found their way to me…
I have found my connection with the infinite universality again.
Since then, I created four more artworks with this method. The three of them I kept them as parts of my self realisation. The fourth and most recent one, was a co-creation and I gift it to the person that we created together. It didn’t come out of thinking, or brainstorming, it seemed like someone was highlighting a specific point with his light, it was like a star in the sky.
Maybe this is what an artist needs, a lighthouse in the universal ocean. Artists usually got lost inside the universal infinity that they aknowledge and this is costing them the materialazation. Maybe an artist is in need of someone who can point out the tree for him/her or to choose the right tree out of the whole forest. Maybe he/she needs someone who is an authentic interlocutor with a clear mirror. But above all, he or she needs to have a fire inside him/her that burns brighter from whatever fear he/she carries.
If I managed to share with you my ultimate truth, I am sure that you can do it also! The ultimate truth for me is my artistic nature, is what i paint and what i create. In my artwork everything about me is so clear, there is no way to hide who I am.There were time in my life that that I was hiding from everyone and everything, even from my own creative force. Every time that I was feeling something, I was also burins it inside. My feelings were too much, showing me the truth of the truth. All that I was able to feel wasn’t easy for someone to experience. So killing them was the best thing for everyone by that time. I was able not to feel, my mind didn’t really payed attention but my body knew very well. My body knew, because there was always something remaining alive in me, it was my vision of my open heart.
That was the lighthouse that brought me home.
Through my open heart, I create again, and manifest, maybe for the first time ever, the garden that I choose to live in.
I urge you to do the same…